I was in college, in the communications faculty department. I remember feeling nervous because I was there for a make-up test, I think. A make-up test for one of my major subjects taught by one of the most famous professors in my university. I was nervous as heck because this professor was famous not only for being very brilliant but because she was a very fierce, “terror” professor. An epitome of an empowered woman, you might say. I was there because I got sick and missed an important day. I got sick often you see, but I’ll never get used to missing stuff and feeling embarrassed for it.
I remember, she asked me, “do you feel bitter at all?”
At this, I blinked in surprise. Partly because I was surprised my mentor, whom was very formal during lectures, asked me something quite personal, which I didn’t really mind, but it was mostly because I found the question unfamiliar.
“Bitter?” I wondered in my head.
Then memories flooded my head: I was held down by several, big, male nurses just so they can hook me up for the first time to a dextrose. Jumping on the bed, playing with my little brother, and then turning around to see my terrified brother holding a ridiculous fistful of my hair. Crying in bed at night, wishing all of it to just end, but then remembering that would leave my family even more devastated… so I decided to fight.
Sure, I was scared, I kind of hated myself for being such a burden, but at the same time, I was hopeful. There was really no other way but to just accept it and try to help myself and my family. Even though I really didn’t know then how it would all turn out, I was still hopeful.
You see, I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia at around age 8. Cancer of the blood. When the doctor told my parents, my mom said my dad cried, and he was the kind of man who didn’t do that very often.
Above: a little photo sash shot by my little brother, Udo. I’m wearing a blazer and a pair of trousers from SM Youth. Cap, necklaces, clips, and earrings from SM Accessories. Shoes from SM Parisian.
It wasn’t an easy ride, but looking back it at now I can truly say that I wouldn’t have it any other way. Those dark times moulded me into who I am now. If it didn’t happen, I’d turn out completely different, completely unlike myself. It made me stronger. It made me appreciate being alive more even though there are really a lot of sucky moments sometimes. It made me more driven to reach for my dreams and try to do more and leave a bigger mark on this world.
That's why I will never stop telling other women to hold their heads high. You and your stories — no matter how tragic, no matter how sad — should be celebrated. You deserve the love that nurtures you to become a better person, just like how The SM Store lets us express ourselves through the many beautiful finds that they offer. Especially this March, all The SM Store items are up on sale. Every Wednesday of the month, select departments will be offering up to 10% discount for every purchase worth at least P3,000. Sounds like a great deal, right?
We may have different versions of not-so-rainbows-and-unicorns-kind of past but one thing’s for sure, it only prepares us for our future battles.
So to all my fellow women out there: you can do it. You can get through it. I promise you will look back and pat yourself on the back for being such an awesome being.
Now, yes, I just don't feel better. I feel great.
Happy International Women’s Day, you strong and beautiful thing.